Meat Flap

This past weekend I put away the last of the Christmas decorations. As much as I love Christmas I was very glad to have the house back to normal. Fortunately, this years deChristmasfication ended without incident...unlike.....last year.

Post-2007 Christmas. It is January '08 and I had just installed some metal shelving racks in the garage to better hold the many tubs o Christmas decor. These racks have L shaped corners which allow for the shelves to be adjusted. As I am bending over to place a tub on the bottom shelf I slipped and fell into the rack, with the top of my left hand slamming into one of the metal L shaped corners.

EEeeeeouch!!! pain shot up my left arm. I pulled my hand back to see that the L corner had sliced the knuckle of my middle finger....pretty darn deep...there was thickness . My knuckle now had a meat flap and I swear I could see bone. Better not look too close or I was sure to pass out in the garage, where I would bleed to death.

Into the house I went, yelling to the wife that I needed a band aid or ten. I stuck my hand in the sink and turned on the water and when the water met meat flap, man or man that hurt. I wrapped my hand in a towel and stuck my hand under my right arm. My wife suggested I go to the doctor, that it would most likely need stitches. Doctor?.... HA!! I have a stable gun if it comes to that and no, I don't need no stinking doctor. I had her call her father instead. He's not a doctor, but he watches them on TV.

While standing there with my hand tucked under my arm, I started to feel dizzy and the tall glass of orange juice didn't help...thanks for nothing vitamin C. My wife's father said I was probably going into shock. Really? Shock? Well ok, let me lay down with my feet elevated. Wonder-pea laid next to me with her feet up. Apparently she was in shock as well. While we laid there in shock, I realized that had the L corner taken the knuckle clean off, I would have most likely died since my body seems unable to handle minor injuries.

After applying pressure to the hand for about 15 min, the bleeding stopped, but I needed to keep my finger completely straight. The slightest bend of either the middle or forefinger was enough to pull the skin around the meat flap and start the bleeding once more. Again I scoffed at the idea of seeking professional medical attention. Instead I took jumbo popsicle sticks and taped em to my middle and forefinger. And oddly enough, it worked quite well at keeping those fingers from bending.

The next morning I took a look at flappie and it seemed to almost be reattached. Small movements of my finger didn't reopen the wound or anything. Amazing! I was like that cheerleader on that show. Until...I rubbed it against a towel...the wrong way.... and the pain and the blood all came rushing back.

I made one last attempt at MacGyvering my injury. This time with the popsicle sticks and a big medical pad (that would be used for a gun shot wound) bandaged on top of ol flappie. Success. My fingers would not bend, nothing would brush up to, rub or otherwise anger flappie...let the healing......begin. Now if only...I could....tie.. my...shoes.....arggh....

Yeah the big ass Sleestack hand I had for the next couple weeks was sort of a pain, but I made do and flappie healed up nicely. And best of all, I didn't have to go to the doctor.