Monday, May 07, 2007

Along Came a Spider Part 2

**SPOILERS a plenty....shield your eyes**

If you didn't read part 1 scroll down and then come back, I will wait..............all read? Great..let us continue..

Since two movies were being smashed into one, several moments were rushed for the sake of time. For instance: After the symbiote covered Pete goes building hopping we next see Peter at Dr. Conners lab with a symbiote sample. When did Peter discover what had happened to his costume? Remember its just a big stain. How did he get a sample off of it? Did he freak out a little when this gooey alien thing started oozing off his clothes?

Apparently none of that matters audience, just roll with it. Where the previous films would take a little time to explore such things, Spidey 3 just steams along. Even the scene in Conner's lab is all quick exposition. No experiments with the symbiote sample are shown. No no Dr. Conner's has seen this kind of thing many times before as he tells Peter all about it.

This sort of abridged storytelling happens throughout the movie. Several "you get the idea" sequences. Or there is exposition out the wazzoo like the Dr. Conners sequence or like when Harry's butler explains that "oh yeah I meant to tell you, but I checked your father's wound that night and he did impale himself. I should have told you before but I forgot and stuff...sorry". Thanks old man now all my bent up hate and rage is suddenly gone.

Then there is the cheese factor. The previous films had a couple cheesy moments however since Spidey 3 is a two for one kind of film the cheese has been excessively piled on.

Take Stan Lee's all too obvious and super lame appearance. Hello I'm Stan Lee creator of Spiderman and I am here to say something profound....and then walk away....sigh.. But the biggest slice of cheddar goes to Emo Pete, the product of wearing symbiote stained clothes.

We are supposed to believe that the symbiote channels aggression and is bringing out Peter's dark side when in fact the symbiote is really turning him into a dancing a-hole; I almost wanted to gauge out my own eyes. The dancing a-hole even goes on a revenge date to get back at MJ where of course he dances and sings. Oh Emo Peter you are so maniacal, Harry take notes.

If that wasn't bad enough, most every major character cries in the film, sometimes multiple times. Tears a plenty. Even Sandman, who is allergic to water, squirts some tears....somehow. This brings us to the big unfinished, cheesy, teary ending.

After pounding the crap out of Spiderman, and with Venom/Eddie dead and Harry dieing, the Sandman confesses that this isn't what he wanted. He did it all for his sick daughter and, oh yeah, he accidentally killed Uncle Ben; big salty, sandy tears swell up in his eyes. Peter seems a-ok with all of this, and says "I forgive you" while crying....again. His "I forgive you" is the Vader NOOOOOOOOO of Spiderman 3. After this Sandman becomes dust in the wind and just flies away, perhaps heading to a Mummy 3 audition. WTF just happened? What about the sick daughter and all the money he stole and the fact that he just nearly beat you to death Pete? Nope not going there apparently.

The final shots of the film are at Harry's funeral much like the Norman funeral sequence in the first film. The last shot is of MJ and Peter hugging. Are they getting back together? Does Peter now realize that she will always come second to his being Spiderman? Does she need a ride home? Who knows......

After ALL is said the film is still fun. Between periods of stunned disbelief I did enjoy a great deal of the movie. The confrontations with Peter and Harry are all good. The birth of the Sandman is great. Eddie Brock is fun. Venom's 15 minutes of life are fun. The action sequences overall are all great and well done.

But as a movie, as a third movie, it does not live up to its predecessors in ANY way. There is so much potential here that is misused it boggles the mind. Venom should have never been in the film until maybe the closing few minutes as a set up for Spidey 4. The themes of redemption and forgiveness should have been handled much more masterfully, rather than being so damn cheeseball you almost want to laugh. Hopefully, maybe, things can get put right when a Spidey 4 is made. Of course if part 3 makes a jillion dollars, and it most likely will, part 4 will have five bad guys, three new characters that do nothing and lots more crying, dancing and singing.


Frank Panucci said...

Your review of SPIDERMAN 3 is accurate.

I loved the first movie. I mildly enjoyed the inferior second one. SPIDERMAN 3 sucks. It's unfortunate that box office is so huge for this piece of shiz. I had to fast-forward through huge honking chunks of it. It's almost as bad as the MATRIX movies, which sucked, in order of production, hard, harder, and hardest. Like the MATRIX movies, SPIDERMAN 3 had some killer action sequences. They could be edited into a nice thirty-minute movie.

Before I log off, I am compelled to complain that Uncle Ben in the SPIDERMAN movies in no way resembles his picture on the rice box.

Shephard said...

Spiderman 4: The Musical.

Hmmm... Frank makes a good point... almost as bad as Matrix 2! Almost. lol

We were cheesed by the same exact things you were, Ray.

Alex Fleisig said...

I thoroughly enjoyed everything about spiderman, except for the part in the jazz club when he dances and sings... that was one of the worst scenes ever in any movie... but I could not fault the whole film for this one bad scene... besides that I really liked it and would happily watch it again.

RayChase said...

dear dear Alex..what has Paris done to you...