Sunday, May 15, 2005

Life's a Beach..then you come home

  • animation powers: rested and refreshed

I am back from the beach; both readers rejoice. So the Friday before last, we loaded up the Animato-mobile, and with hours of Wiggles music loaded into the 6 disc changer, we set off on the two day driving voyage to Destin, FL. All and all it wasn't a bad drive. Driving long distances gives me time to think. To have that inner monologue. To ponder the meaning of things. On this trip the one thing I came to realize was that dear God there is a lot of road kill! There was a squished armadillo at least every 2 miles and for an 800 mile trip, well that's a lot of squished armadillos. Sometimes there would be two squished side by side, like maybe they were on a date. "Oh your gonna love this.... its a place where we can watch the lights go whizzing we are..... isn't this nice.......ah....the blast of air we get when the lights whisk by...isn't that refreshing...wanta get closer.....oh yes I'm sure its safe...come on lets get real close..."

For such a long trip, Wonder-pea did very well. When we weren't rocking out to the Wiggles she was watching Bear and the Big Blue House courtesy of the portable DVD player. Yes portable movies. Just another one of those things we DIDN'T have as kids. I had a walk-man to entertain me on long car trips. Whoopee. A battery powered walk-man that was about the size of a Bible and played cassette tapes. Sweet memories.

So we made it Destin on Saturday and I immediately noticed 2 things when we got out of the Animato-mobile. #1 was the salty sea air and #2 was the disgusting amount of bugs that where splattered all over the front of the vehicle. I nearly vomited......once then...and then every day thereafter until I washed them off.

Now here we are at the condo, which is very nice, its been a long day and we all want to get cleaned up and get to bed. My wife is taking care of Wonder-pea and I decide to take a shower. Taking a shower is pretty much the easiest thing we humans do. It requires very little effort as a shower is quite possibly the 3rd easiest to use invention, that man has ever created; the toilet being the 2nd and the doorknob the 1st.

I'm in the shower. Water is running from the faucet I am ready for descending water action but there is a problem. On top of the faucet there is nothing to pull, push or hit to engage the shower. It is quite simply, just a faucet spewing water. Ok fine, a quick check of the water handle. Humm there is no lever or anything beyond the usual. Maybe I need to pull it forward. No nothing. Push it back. No No. Holy crap how does this thing work! I am now forcibly smacking, pulling, cursing anything on the wall that might actually make water shoot from the shower head.

Eventually I give up. Exit the shower, put on my cloths and went to find my wife.

"What's the matter?", she asks.

"I can't get the shower to come on"

"What?", she replies.

"There's turn on the shower"

So we both go to investigate. And for a few moments she can't figure it out either. Until...she reaches under the faucet in the exact area where the water is coming out...she grabs the ring and pulls it down and the miracle of water comes from the shower head.

"Are you f**ckin kicking me" was about all I could say.

"Well I do have a master's degree after all", she reminded me.

As I got into the shower I glanced at the toilet and wondered what kind of challenge that would pose later. With the way things were going, the flush handle could be a button at the bottom of the toilet bowel under 3 inches of water, who the hell knew. I took my shower that night, confident that one day I would meet the person who designed this shower and when I did I would punch him in the mouth.

Next time: learn why I wet my pants in a public place

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